Saturday, April 15, 2017

War & Shit


Excerpts from a modern-day adaptation of a Russian Classic by Lev Belltollstoy.

Excerpts from Chapter 3
Vlad
что случилось (shto sluchiloss), Sergey? I thought we cast a very strong spell on Count Donny Boy during his last visit here.
Sergey
We did, my Czarsultan. But, as you know, shit can break the spell.
Vlad
Yes, I know. But it has to be ingested. Orally. And not a small amount of it too.
Sergey
That precisely what happened. That “most beautiful piece of chocolate cake” Count Donny devoured during his meeting with our Chinese colleague was actually prepared by an illegal immigrant working in the Count’s kitchens who wanted to send him a message.
Vlad
It seems something was lost in translation.
Sergey
Apparently the frosting was really good. It masked the taste.
Vlad
I see. Well, no reason for this to be a total loss. Get me the recipe. For the frosting I mean. I see a huge need for it here when we begin mass producing our Soylent Brown product.
© Ammar Abdulhamid , 2017


Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Shamlet


Another lesser known play by the infamous British playwright Shakesmeare whom the current president of Syria, Bashar Al-Assad, believes to be of Syrian descent.  

Shamlet: Act III – Scene I, Soliloquy
Shamlet
To kill and how to kill my way out of this trouble,
that I got myself into through killing in the first
place I must admit, that’s the question. I can hardly
give a shit what’s more or less nobler in this regard.
Killing is how I govern, and how my father did before
me, whether by noxious fumes or a bare bodkin. Ah,
to sleep. I cannot help but dream of death and killing
whenever I sleep. Yet, I still sleep, unbothered. Let all
my militias and allies fight for me, over me and, more
importantly, over my country – that undiscovered paradise
that all are now busy destroying in an enterprise of great
depth and madness, while others, their minds numbed
in resolute indifference, are lulled into inaction. Oh Syria,
be all my sins remembered.
© Ammar Abdulhamid , 2017