War & Shit

Excerpts from a modern-day adaptation of a Russian Classic by Lev Belltollstoy.

Excerpts from Chapter 3
Vlad	что случилось (shto sluchiloss), Sergey? I thought we cast a very strong spell on Count Donny Boy during his last visit here.
Sergey	We did, my Czarsultan. But, as you know, shit can break the spell.
Vlad	Yes, I know. But it has to be ingested. Orally. And not a small amount of it too.
Sergey	That precisely what happened. That “most beautiful piece of chocolate cake” Count Donny devoured during his meeting with our Chinese colleague was actually prepared by an illegal immigrant working in the Count’s kitchens who wanted to send him a message.
Vlad	It seems something was lost in translation.
Sergey	Apparently the frosting was really good. It masked the taste.
Vlad	I see. Well, no reason for this to be a total loss. Get me the recipe. For the frosting I mean. I see a huge need for it here when we begin mass producing our Soylent Brown product.
© Ammar Abdulhamid , 2017

Shamlet

Another lesser known play by the infamous British playwright Shakesmeare whom the current president of Syria, Bashar Al-Assad, believes to be of Syrian descent.  

Shamlet: Act III – Scene I, Soliloquy
Shamlet	To kill and how to kill my way out of this trouble, that I got myself into through killing in the first place I must admit, that’s the question. I can hardly give a shit what’s more or less nobler in this regard. Killing is how I govern, and how my father did before me, whether by noxious fumes or a bare bodkin. Ah, to sleep. I cannot help but dream of death and killing whenever I sleep. Yet, I still sleep, unbothered. Let all my militias and allies fight for me, over me and, more importantly, over my country – that undiscovered paradise that all are now busy destroying in an enterprise of great depth and madness, while others, their minds numbed in resolute indifference, are lulled into inaction. Oh Syria, be all my sins remembered.
© Ammar Abdulhamid , 2017